Don't get me wrong, you will always find some days harder than others. You may find yourself in depressed slumps. Actually yesterday I was in a bit of a sour mood, and my boyfriend (thinking he was being helpful) says "You're fine. You're perfectly healthy" For those of you with chronic illnesses, you know phrases like this will send your significant other to the dog house. I will say I am pretty anxious for my cardio appointments tomorrow. Luckily today was a busy day at work and kept my mind off of what is scheduled for tomorrow.
I'm not normally an anxious person, I generally perform better under pressure (I grew up playing multiple sports), but tomorrow I'll be consulting with my cardiologist about pacemakers/defibrillators/meds, whatever we deem necessary for my care. We'll be reviewing my heart monitor from last week and my echo that I'm also doing tomorrow.
So how can I stay positive about this? No matter what, I will be making life style changes tomorrow., so you have ALWAYS gotta match a positive with a negative aspect:
Well, honestly, I look at it as such. A life style change. We're most likely preventing an end of life situation, as I often get arrhythmias that can cause cardiac arrest, so that can't be a bad thing. There's a chance I will have to end my roller derby career, which sucks, but I'm young enough to find/learn/perfect new hobbies. Always learning something new is never a bad thing.
And the best part of it is that my boyfriend will be there holding my hand and giving his input at my doctors appointment, so the decision doesn't land on myself, he's willing to share a lot of this stress with me.
Many of you will find that people with chronic illnesses tend to have a brighter aspect on life. If you ever meet a small child suffering from something as scary as cancer, you'll find that they find happiness in the small things, and are often wise beyond their years. This is because you HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO STAY POSITIVE. Even if you don't feel well, it takes more energy out of you to be in a bad mood. Those around you can feel that negative energy and it makes it harder for them to help when you absolutely need it.
Plus, having a positive in general will always help in the long run. I wear a smile even when I'm frustrated and wanna strangle someone at work. I still carry myself gracefully until I can get home and work out the stress. Because of this, my boss is attempting to fit me in where I can run around less and have to do a bit less hands on work with patients so I can make sure I am resting enough and not killing myself over keeping someone else alive. As nurses, we tend to forget to take care of ourselves because we're too busy taking care of others. But if we do find a place to set up an office for me at work, I can still help with my patients and not have to be as stressed about it. I can come and go as I please as long as I make my 40hour work week. So doctors appointments wont be hard to work around.
Really, positivity is the only chance you have at surviving a chronic illness. It's so exhausting being angry or mad or in denial all the time.
I'd prefer to die with a chronic illness on my shoulder than to die from the chronic illness itself. It's choosing to control something that others think controls you, and you do this by wearing a smile on your face and taking it one day at a time.
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